Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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