can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
