just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
