You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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