Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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