Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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