apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize