anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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