Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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