how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
