Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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