Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
