And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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