Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
