I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
