hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
