Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
