I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm both gender and math confused
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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