my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
