i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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