someone threw a dead crab at me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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