maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You've changed since you got that strap on
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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