im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
