Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were trust falling into bushes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
