I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
