My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize