It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize