we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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