Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
