it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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