they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
