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remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
