we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
