Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
