What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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