His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
