I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
