I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
we're making bets on your personal life
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
