k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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