alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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