Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
