sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
