Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
