in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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