You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
