i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
