sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
