I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
