Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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