I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
