So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
