Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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