my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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