but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
