I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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