I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
