We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize