Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i think im in europe. pls send help
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
