This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
