I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
